looking out the window

always the observer. that's how i am when looking at opportunities.

unlike other people who jump the gun and eagerly grab the best-looking one that comes their way with no thoughts of consequences whatsoever, i tend to wait, look, and, if i am given enough time, think about it later (or find another window to get another view of the opportunity). i don't want to over-excite myself, less i don't see the risks involved. it might be from my tendency to over-analyze things too much and having difficulties of just letting go. or a preference of taking the harder route, if it's the safer option.

the point is, opportunities are not the black-and-white pictures they seem to be, but are in shades of gray that you didn't think were there. there is hesitation and a little fear, yet i also know that these are also what's keeping me from just living life to the fullest.

better said than done. until i can overcome those factors and the boundaries of my comfort zone, i'm stuck to watching the world through windows.

on movies and review

for lack of a better word, i'm a movie addict. i love watching films, whether in theatres for the big screen (and whole immersion experience) or in the comfort of your own sofa (pause buttons can really , ready to be taken to a different space and time, meet new sets of characters. i sit back and watch if i could take any possible experiences or lessons out of it, but when that is not met, that won't stop me from enjoying the show.
however, with tickets costing $8 each, HBO-less subscription at where i'm staying, and a current non-access to funds for for a possible membership to a video store, my favorite pastime has become a luxury. each opportunity to watch a film then becomes a blessing, and i'd take every chance i could get.
and each film will almost always elicit an immediate, must-be-told reaction from me. so yes, dear readers (you, you and you, both of you), i am going to subject you to another set of movie reviews.

which brings me to my next topic..

i have a NEW BLOG!!! (again, you ask?? ) well, i decided to make another one for my movie reviews. so check it out here.

still contemplating on adding book reviews as well... (and far away, a 17-year old sister gasp in horror)

irereto kita (shudder)

i even had no idea what the equivalent of 'reto' is in english, but this words had an effect similar to a duck paddling furiously under the surface. yup, despite being the picture of calmness and serenity, i am desperately trying to find the nearest exit.

so what does this phrase really mean that could send me into a state of near-paranoia? imagine a single girl stuck in the company of 40-ish women, who suddenly take it upon themselves to act as self-appointed matchmaker to said girl. hence begins the embarassing conversations of setting up dates with similarly single but unknown men, and awkward and embarassing on-the-spot introductions. i found out later on that 'reto' had an almost synonymous implication of 'sent to the custody of'.

do u get it now? i'm a virtual guinea pig at the mercy of old ladies. and though there has been a few number of experiences already, it still hasn't lessened the tightening sensation in my chest each time i hear those words. i do not mean to sound obnoxious; if anything, i admit to growing feelings of insecurity... and amusement.

the latest of these had me giving my digits to a nice fellow filipina whom i just met on a plane, unknowing that she had planned on calling me once she found a 'suitable partner' from her circle. and then there was the persistent tita at church who grabbed me from where i was (carrying a tita's baby no less), and none-too-gently dragged me over to her son just so we could meet face to face.

ayayay.

but then again, these stories do make for interesting conversation pieces to tell to friends.

keep on writing fu

lately i've been getting a disappointing feeling from the lack of feedback from people i "advertised" my site to. then i had to resign myself with two things:
(1) i didn't really tell a LOT of people
(2) i am really doing myself a favor with my compulsion desire to just write.

there really is that need to just let things pour out of my mind, otherwise i'd be overwhelmed with the burden of keeping it AND entertaining/deliberating on some new issue. so as long as writing keeps me contented, then that's good.

that said, i move on.

recently watched the movies Closer and Sin City, and here i humbly present my reviews on them:


CLOSER -- definitely one of the most honest movies i've watched. ever. everything about it were real, the characters, the relationships. kudos to all 4 actors for playing such intense roles. heck, even the title itself is something to applaud. rather than resorting to using catchy gimicky phrases or lame one word names, it opts to convey its underlying irony.
on the surface, however, i was impressed with clive owen's acting. won't give away on what his role was, but he was intense. maybe because that was just what the character called for, but there's no doubt he delivered.
i have to admit i was also smitten with jude law. no, make that shaking-my-head-in-disbelief, biting-my-nails smitten with jude law. why? the man is simply gorgeous. oh, for sure he's a good actor; i saw him first in the "talented mr ripley" and he did quite well in that movie. but he didn't strike me so much then as he did with this one. really gorgeous. and i bet my ass he's charming too.
sienna miller sure is lucky. must have strong knees, too. small wonder she hasn't fainted.
anyway, must make it a note to watch "alfie", "i heart huckabees" and "sky captain and the world of tomorrow".



SIN CITY -- words fail me with this one. first of all, i went to see it for all the hype. had i been a frank miller fan, i would've enjoyed the film.
not that i'm saying i didn't. story-telling was done well, especially when the ending narration ties up with the introduction. it's set in a dramatic black and white setting, with splashes of bold color in between scenes for contrast and highlight. the characters are stereotypes, but well-cast (this in itself is a feat since there were many of them in the film). then there were some that moved stiffly, but it was understood to be done so only to capture that perfect perspective shot of that scene. the movie aims to be dark and succeeds. grotesque scenes are carefully edited, but is poignant enought to stir your imagination with its sick horror. it also successfully woves 3 stories in it (the first being the best one for me) and takes that faithful step to make the artist's work (or ink, rather) come to life. at one point, i even half-expected narration boxes to appear on the screen.
so, i appreciated "sin city" for all those (and maybe more). yet they are logical reasons, i suppose, and that perhaps be why i couldn't enjoy it completely. the experience for me was lacking. but to another, it may have been different, and i wouldn't begrudge that person for liking it more than i do. really.
now the actor that made the most impact on me? benicio del toro. he just has this commanding on-screen prescence. he fits as the sly scroundel who loves working in the shadows. the lowlife scary creep you would want to hit back if only you had the guts to. the perfect enigmatic villain.
and then there's elijah wood. he must be determined to show his versatility as an actor to shed his good hobbit status. what exactly his role was in the movie, you just have to see.

sigh. now that i finished writing the above, i noticed that the actors that i mentioned all portrayed dark roles. i would want to offset that by picking one protagonist at least. and then i remembered. there are none in the movies i watched. next time na lang.

on another note, i'm finding it rather difficult to enjoy movies these days. for one, there is definitely the lack of spontaneity. transpo is hard here and so is coughing up the dough ($6.50 for 1 movie!?). now i'm reduced to scouring the net for reviews just to make sure the trip to the theatre is worth it. another drawback, and the saddest of them all i have to say, is the loss of company of other film lovers - pre-, during, and post-movie. no one to share giggly anticipation, reactions or comments.

i am now longing for the days when i just go the theatres and watch movies, without the benefit of reviews to spoil/anticipate me. or even the simple company friends, who are movie lovers as well.

sigh. the exile continues.

some rpg luvin'

this was inevitable, since i am currently playing kingdom hearts.

i've always enjoyed rpg games. maybe it's because it was the first game i ever picked up for the ps1. or maybe its my obsession for a good story (and visuals syempre!), with all its plot twists, characters, and gameplay (i get to kick ass!).

whatever. below are the list of rpgs i've already played, in chronological order.

xenogears - by far the best rpg for me. lost A LOT of times, but it only made me more pumped to play. no walkthrough guide for most of gameplay time. enjoyed the mini-games and battle system (both in person and gear), despite being almost always financially-scrapped. finished the game at level57 (a record!). and nothing, and i mean NOTHING, beats its massive storyline (with anime sequences). the twists and revelations just kept on coming! would luvvv to play this again.
final fantasy 7 - my friend carlo hyped this one for me, (and played the first few minutes as well), but i never got to go beyond that since the next FF installment came in...
final fantasy 8 - 4 discs! first big buy for me. however was too methodical playing it, relying too heavily on guides. reached level 100, got all ultimate weapons. yawn. perhaps the only saving grace was graphics. oh, and the characters. japs really know how to create them
thousand arms (konami) - HILARIOUS! no guide here, but had a blast "powering up" meis (main character) with dating the dif girls on the game.
raphsody - my first strategy-rpg. kinda cutie-cutie, but worked for me. no guide here either.
chrono cross - by then i was already researching on good games. this one was a follow-up to chrono trigger, which had a lot of good reviews abt it. the successor had some of the most impressive visuals, but i wasn't attached to the story at all. just to one character. somehow, ending the game gave me only little satisfaction...
chocobo dungeons 2 - me and my sister's first attempt at dual player system. no story plot here, just straight platform gameplaying. didn't get to hook sister with rpg, but at least she got in on why it was fun (this may also be because all the enemies went after me and not her). another first - at making my own accessories. no guide.
legend of mana - another 2-player game system, again with no guide. will forever be remembered for one of its creepy children singing (not intentional, but we were a bit scared by the sound) and the lamest partner of all - Pearl! (hahaha!)
suikoden 2 (konami) - while a guide was a must (not to mention its 108 characters), there was still an unmistakeable charm to this one. maybe it was the added mini-games (which reminded me of xenogears). or the occasional strategy-fighting. or the 6-character system (and combo option).
final fantasy X2 - my first ps2 rpg game, which wasn't even mine. i got a few hours into this until my bro's friend reclaimed it (he made me play it first). it was... okay. but i was annoyed with the main character and how the battle system involved changing outfits. ack!

kingdom hearts - my first, REAL-time fighting. with most of my previous games as turn-based (not to mention a huge year-long lull from playing), i admit i needed some time to readjust... and found it was even more exciting! adding the Disney characters made it all the more enjoyable as well. still has yet to be finished (currently at level 49). as for storyplot, well, i'm pittied against Disney villains (weee!).

the news...

TODAY
pope john paul II passed away. he had somewhat of a maverick quality to him, truly one of the most remarkable (and impactul) leaders of the Catholic Church. well-loved and respected, this pope clearly strove to make the most of his ministry to reach out to people, even until his final days as he struggled to overcome the increasing grip of sickness over him.

the impact of his death can probably be described on how you translate the relevance of his prescence. personally, the pope i remember was during the world youth day 1995 when i volunteered as a photographer for our HS school publication. braving the crowd, i was able to secure a spot nearest to the route his papal vehicle would be taking. i stood for what seemed to like a really loooong time. finally, when night was just beginning to creep in, he arrived. people began screaming, waving their hands and handkerchiefs (el shaddai??). then the bright flashes of camera lights, one after another, including mine (sadly, the photos didn't come out later). but as i looked at him, i was overcome with awe on how he affected the people, with respect on how he faithfully did his ministry and how he came all the way to the philippines to be with the people. so it was that when he passed by, i kept myself in a quiet, calm disposition. a big contrast against the shouting restless crowd around me. somehow, to me, it didn't do to be part of that. he wasn't a star asking for this attention, this fame. he is asking to share your devotion, not to him, but with him. for the One he is serving.

in effect, what i'm saying is his prescence reminded me of something, rather, Someone greater. he was a hardworking messenger of truth, a voice for a generation that believed in goodness and life, and a figure that stood for what was morally right. for that, he will be missed.

i didn't like it when i first heard abt his ailing health. and now his demise. it's sad. but i also have to remind myself that he is in a better place now.

*imaginary conversations that can be said of PJP2: "well done, good and loyal servant."
"that'll do, pope. that'll do." :P

A FEW MONTHS BACK

armed with my new buddy vaio, i was finally able to upload some pics:

the snowy feb brought these images:


night comes in quick at winter.. and leafless trees make for a scary effect

snow covers everything...

that's right, fu! shovel! shovel more! ur task is futile!!! (bwahaha!)

... while march gave me disney characters skating on ice! (sorry, pangit seat position ko)


yaaa! incriminating photo of two-timing lil bo beep!

the gang searches for woody

two sons go against their dad

getting ready for the big finale... waah, the olsen twins??

okay! its a wrap! take it away, squeaky!

say hi to my new toy

... no, this is not an april fool's joke.



kaya:
1. no more feeling guilty or sneaky, tiptoeing downstairs in the middle of the night
2. no more hassle of waiting for my turn or being rushed
3. finally, something to download digcam pics
4. ... and to write on for my blog in the privacy and comfort of my room
5. i can finally download yahoo messenger to chat with people overseas
6... and adobe photoshop for my 'creative' needs/swings

here's hoping me and vaio have a wonderful relationship together!