the dream ends...

he showed up in my workplace unexpectedly. i don't need my glasses to know it was him -- that casual laidback walk of his, that familiar jingle of his keys, that messy mane of hair. why did he come, i ask myself. i've done my best not to talk to him at all during the week. why? i dunno. i'm weak, i suppose. i didn't want to disturb him, less he thinks ill of me. i was just content to see him if i did. but nothing more. but what happened next didn't prepare me.

he goes up to my friend, whom i was waving goodbye to. he takes her aside to talk to her.
"this may be the last time you see me"
"i'll tell you what college i'm going to"
"i'm going to alaska for vacation"

i don't look up but i was listening. was it just me, or was he saying those words to me as well? i must be paranoid. or desperate. or just me being curious that i overheard everything. but oh, my heart was just dying to say or do something... anything...

nothing. such a weak pathetic fool i am. to love.

all i could muster was a poor reenactment of fishing when i heard he was going to alaska. and a feeble "you're going for clinicals, right?". he nods. i wave goodbye. he waves back. he goes away.

and with that, my heart just tore a little.

sob.