trying to moving forward

so the deal with my friend's sister's house negotiations fell through.

i was really hoping that would turn out, but it didn't. it's beginning to look like convenience is not an option for me right now, and fate is URGING me to take the necessary steps to move out of my comfort zone in finding a new place to stay (side note: "HAVEN'T I BEEN OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE ALREADY? HOW FAR DO I HAVE TO MOVE?!?". i understand i'm WHINING... but please let me gripe!)

aside from the comfort zone, i'm trying to remind myself on what pastor jo said -- that it's imperative you let go of your old life to embrace the new life which God has in store for you. i also know that at this point, i am now in the driver's seat. i have free rein to make the decision on where to go, and i now have nobody to blame after i make that decision. it's about JUST MYSELF (and God).

but i don't know if i'm strong enough. please, God, help me. i know other people have more pressing problems than mine, but this is MY struggle, and it's pressing to ME. i'm not used to being vulnerable and being left out in the open.

keeping the faith

hmm... i've been reading my past entries just this few minutes -- marathon reading, if you will -- and found myself a little wary when it came to the part of boys. while some posts were written with the happy giddy feeling of a lovestruck girl, ultimately, they ALL led to nothing.

shall i hold onto those moments as for what they were -- momentary states of bliss -- or reject them for the wasted time that they seem now? i remember telling myself to live each day a moment at a time, but there's also a part of me that yearns for something permanent.

i'm contemplating on being boys-thoughts-free (a mental celibacy?), but that seems to be very unreal goal or somewhat impossible. i can TRY, i guess.

but i'll keep the faith -- writing this blog, staying true to myself, staying on this path, and ultimately, find out what life has in store for me and how i'm going to grow. are you going to come along for the ride?