on the loneliness issue

i gave myself a few days to 'recover' before blogging.

so my mom left already. she's now back in sweet ol' pinas *sigh, i envy her* when we were saying our goodbyes, it took a lot of self-control not to let her hear me cry. i was only glad she didn't see me.

attempts to calm down followed. i tried to philosophize and see my life in different perspectives. the martyr approach (pain muna, rewards later). the sympathetic and empathic approach (others are experiencing the same. somebody out there is saying goodbye to his loved one, or is in the same BIG out-of-country decision towards a better future). the learning experience (you will become a stronger, happier woman). but for all the logic and reasoning, i knew it was useless to battle the emotion that was welling inside me. so i gave in, and gave myself a good cry. only then i knew i could go on.

its not really all about loneliness, folks. it's the bitter sadness over my helplessness, the loss of control over stuff that has been happening in my life. that, and the vulnerability of it all.

God. m almost this close to crying again. sigh.

granted, i knew i still had the chance to change my current situation. just as i am free to do so, it was of my free resolution to stick to the decision to stay and get things done.

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so what else would you do? check on yahoogroups, see how your friends are doing (while not participating). check friendster, see what's new with friends (again, not participating)...

speaking of friendster, they've introduced a new feature - blogs. ok, so by today's standards, it's not really new anymore. but its interesting to note the irony that friendster is notoriously known as the company to fire its own employee for blogging abt them.

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with lots of spare time, you also get to surf the net on a lot of stuff... such as, SPOILERS FOR STARWARS EPISODE 3!