drifting...

well.. not really. but lately, i've been feeling that way (drifting). seriously, nothing is happening with my life right now that i feel un-empowered. which is bad. i feel prisoned by the corners of the house that i'm staying in. which was my choice in the first place. sigh.

waiting is slow torture. thus, the body had become numb for any adrenaline or need for wondrous explorations or adventures. i am moving, but devoid of life. as if the slightest exertion of effort, however much required, is deemed useless. so i repeatedly withdrew from even the triflest of public engagments. a self-imposed exile if you will.

one might think that the mind would compensate for this, to use this as an opportunity to gain experience of the mental kind. aaah, the spirit should be able to fly. but my solitude could not even bring the usual delight, nay, the slightest delight in daydreaming, reading, writing or painting. i look beyond my window, trying to will myself to wander... it is no use.

weakened. drained. so against my better will and judgement, i finally succumbed to what i saw my last fleeting chance for vigor and hope...

i bought myself a ps2 rpg game.
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gawd. how melodramatic. but that's how i've been lately. with nothing better to do, i've realized i've only just pondered, griped, and reacted (see my blogs... see??)... but i've never done anything constructive! sure, the facets of a mind is an interesting thing, but i know it can get tediously boresome when its exploration is prolonged.

i guess buying (and eventually playing the game) was the only way i could think of to jolt me out of this drifting, blah mood. at least i can focus on something 'substantial'.

WHAT AM I EVEN SAYING IN THIS BLOG?!?!?